gonna type a long post now i guess.

its 30 dec today.
just one more day till year 2005.
this year; seriously sucked big time.
my parents had financial probs, mum had sleepdease,bro had sch probs, no maid and i had my own stuff too. its quite shit for me.
but i have seriously grown up quite alot after all this shit happened. well,if you know me since p6 that is.

begining i had to undergo this shit of being in a girl's school. very uncomfortable as i have always been in a mixed school since kindgarden or whatever. i guess i cried alot cause i missed my sec school friends. life in sec 1 rocked alot. i ahd such close friends and all. and i was so close to everyone and coming to school was like pure fun.

thank god, after a month. i managed to find my clique of friends in kc. bud i felt inferior to some people. i thought they hated me and true enough they did. bid i tried being nice and all and i hope ppl wont hate me cause i look dao. cause its just my face you know. so yeps. i learn to smile whenever i see someone look at me. i may look retarded bud i dun care. i dun living my life wid enemies. months and months passed and i had many much close friends.

cass was considered my big bud. without her, i guess some nice times wont happen. she allowed burger and i to go her hs to play. allowed us to attend her bdae party thou we dint give her prezzies. my bf had his first kiss at her hs. somehow i regretted snatching his first kiss, i think i dont deserve it cause i dun give him satisfaction. bud i love cass cause she was so nice and all. bud she dun love me anymore cos she has guys now :(

den came carine rellien and alisa. we spend our class time together and talked loads of cock. they are such fun people and all. most of my after sch days are wid carine and rellien. they are such rockers. they were my bombshelters. everytime when i go oud wid burger i hafta need them in case my mum calls and all. we spend our everydyay life just like that. we had loads of fun too. went to places like tm and bugis and all. so fun man. crapped around and all. and carine always felt like an extra. i get how she feels and all. bud she super rock please. always try to help me also.

den i got to really know ppl like june melinda and gen. june and melinda gives like super whooper good advices. always tag my blog to cheer me up when i sound sad. and june is super woman always scolding unknown ppl for me. hahahas. she'[s damn funny. melinda is damn sweet and all. always full of nice things. and gen i got to know her better since dunno when. she's one funny person and she ful of jokes too. she look kinda fierce bud she is super whooper nice when you get to knoe her and all.

rest of the bunch ppl are like xinni, chang, melissa, cheryl yeo, iris and all lah. they are pretty cool ppl too. i had so much fun in 2/6 thou i had only one year wid them.

and i know melissa cheong! ha! she said she once disliked me bud now we are ok i guess. man she is one fun person so nice to talk to and all. she gives nice advices and all and talking to her online is sucha nice thing cause she has loads of stuff to share wid me and i find it very sweet. sometimes when she tel me her love stories i feel so happy for her cause i guessed i never felt this way before and yah. so she'[s one gud fren and sadly haven been oud wid her yet :(

what else.
learnt that my bro and i are losers in love. we have a perfect start bud a terrible process and disastrous ending. my first love and i thou werent together bud i had the nicest time in my whole life and i love him like so much and we ended wid just a damn matter and he has a gf now and fuck it i dun care. my first bf i went wid him w/out really loving him. bud when we were together i kinda like him and we broke up and we had such shit when we broke up. he stead with my god sis two days after i break up with him and that hurt me alot.

i have my bf now. he was once my god bro. i love him and yes we went together. bud now that we are together. it didnt seem as nice as what we thought. we had more pain than happiness. as i said i dint think i deserve him and sometimes i feel like shit when im wid him. i duno wther he really loves me and all. all i knoe we suffered alot when we were together. i just wish that we would be happy and all. sometimes i wonder if he's the one for me. im not sure all i knoe is that i wont wanna faall in love anymore cause it sucks and it sucks. this sounds bad bud i wished would fall for some one else. i think he will be happier too. bud i knoe he loves me all and yah. bud wads the point of being together when the both of us are not happy.

i want someone who will be there for me every hour and all. someone who will always listen to all my crap. someone who will be there when i cry. just someone who will understand me and all. i hope he/she is there.

a new year is coming and i just hope stuff turns oud fine and all. bet it's gonna suck. i feel fucked up somehow. im so glad im getting close to god. i love him so much and all. although my life is in a mess, bud i knoe he will show me a way. im just sick and tired of everything.

i need a guardian angel.

cried within;
10:05 PM